Make your Choice

Welcome!

Last month, I turned 24; not only that I turned Twenty-four in a new city and celebrated with people I've never celebrated my birthday with. Twenty-three has taught me way more than what I thought was on the syllabus for that year.

I hit a lot of milestones;I graduated from college, I moved across the country, I gained new friends, met new family and found a new trajectory for my life.

I should have been happy with that; all of these things should have kept me "sane" and comfortable until my next birthday, but they didn't. Like who graduates from college and gets sadder? Who is granted relief from term papers, exams, projects and deadlines and feels more bondage? I felt depressed, I felt I had no control over the direction my life was taking.

I had the least amount of control I had ever experienced. I had no responsibilities and it didn't make me feel free, it made me feel hopeless. I am a very goal oriented person and for the first time in my life I didn't have a daily goal to reach for. No classes to attend, no papers to submit, no job to clock into, etc. 

At one point I was torn between moving back to Kentucky and staying in California. I went back and fourth for months, it was I'm sure way more irritating to my sounding boards than it was to me in the midst of it. (sorry guys)

Here were my reasons for both:

California

Land of Endless possibilities

Beautiful environment

More money in my professional field

No major responsibilities, i.e. bills

Kentucky

A familiar community

More family

Easier work options

Controlled environment

Grad school

Pepperann (my car)

I partially felt as though moving back to Kentucky would be a simple fix. I could go back to what's familiar and making a living with very little issue or push back. On the flip side I could stay in California and pave a way for myself, outside of my old reputation, not that I had a bad one, and basically start from scratch. It would be harder but I think it would make me feel I had actually accomplished something greater than myself.

During this decision making time, it was brought to my attention that I haven't really tried to make California work. True ... But let me explain, life until this point has been cake as far as getting a job, getting into school and making things happen for myself. I have the motto of " not forcing things that didn't fit", just because I haven't had to force the things that were FOR ME. Cali didn't seem to be FOR ME because opportunities were not falling into my lap like they used to. After thinking on it, I feel like it was God's favor for and on me in Kentucky. *

My conclusion this week is that it's going to take some origami, like master level origami, for Cali to work, it's going to take me moving and pushing and forcing the things I want to happen to actually happen. And a lot of things are hypothetical and contingent upon other people. 

OR ... It takes me saying God what state am I supposed to be in, wherever I am supposed to be, make it undeniably clear once and for all. If it's Kentucky, get me there stress free and that's what he did. I just feel like the following scriptures make it seem like my life isn't supposed to be this hard, decision wise. 

*Psalms 119:32 - I will run in the path of your commands, for you set my heart free.
*Joshua 1:3 - I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses.
*Deuteronomy 11:24- Every place where you set your foot will be yours: Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the Euphrates River to the Mediterranean Sea.
*Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

I just want to know what to do and right now, I feel like I know what I am supposed to do. So .. BYE CALI, I'm going back home. 

Oh, let me not forget. 

The Secret this week is 

 Live. 

Be your biggest supporter, if the door opens run through it. But don't be afraid to change your mind either. You're young! This is the perfect time to make decisions or mistakes and learn from them! When else do you get a free "you decide" card without judgement. Whilst living for me, I decided to take a year after undergrad and live in LA. I also decided to move back to Kentucky within that same year. And guess what, I can do that! Live for you man! 
To recap the previous secrets, you've gotta grow up your way, make a plan and see it through and then own your actions, and now live for you! 

Go have fun, I know I am! 

Love,

Porscha